Boxer Vijender Singh’s snake-blood-drinking contender to star in Twilight (reboot)

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Alexander Horvath, the young Hungarian boxer, was offered the lead role in Twilight’s reboot series after he publicly announced that he drinks snakes’ blood while preparing for fights.

The scriptwriter and the director are delighted with this newly found real-life snake-vampire morphed human. “It is difficult to describe him. At least, he looks better than Robert Pattinson,” said the director. He added, “We wanted to make this one as real as possible. Of course, we will provide the crew with ample protection for the entire body and not just the necks in case . . . you know . . . Alexander behaves funnily.”

Sources have confirmed that mongooses will replace wolves in the film. “We quickly changed the script to accommodate Alexander. We hope to find a suitable actor to play the lead mongoose’s role,” said the director.

Alexander who is scheduled to fight India’s Vijender Singh in Liverpool, England, said that snakes’ blood gives him supernatural powers including the ability to teleport. He was overheard saying to his agent, “Just in case the blood plan fails I shall teleport myself back home without getting hurt further. And nobody will even know!” He laughed out loud and continued, “I heard Vijender has a powerful uppercut. I like my face you see . . . just saying.”

A worried Vijender met with the chairman of the International Mongoose Community (IMC) who has assured him full support. He said that the chairman had promised to help him train with the best of the snake-fighters in the mongoose community.

When asked about the matter IMC’s chairman Robert Fightalot said, “Though, technically, Alexander would be doing us a favour by killing snakes, we are unsure about its effects on him, especially when he is already loony enough to drink it. In this case, the enemy of our friend will remain our enemy. Oh . . . and we’ve also requested PETA to launch an investigation.”

Disclaimer: The article is meant to entertain and not offend. Barring the facts that Alexander Horvath drinks snakes’ blood and is scheduled to fight Vijender in Liverpool, the rest of the matter is fictional.

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