What Bollywood films should do to avoid being slammed with two-and-a-half stars and less

When a movie critic for a leading daily gave When Tanu Weds Manu Returns two-and-a-half stars it didn’t go down well with the filmmakers. Strings were pulled and the rating was upped. Social media caught on and the debate rages.  But wouldn’t Bollywood do better by junking some of its absurdities and making films that will earn better ratings in the first place?

Give the women some substance

Films in which the heroine is central to the plot are few and far between. Our super-glam, highly paid actresses are happy to float in and out of scenes just looking good and being hunk accessories. C’mon, they can do better than that.

Get some real people in

The women must all be size zero or thereabouts. The men must all have six-pack abs and rippling biceps – evidence that most of their waking hours are spent at the gym. What about some stories about normal-looking people?

Junk the superfluous song routine

Is it absolutely necessary for hero, heroine and dance troupe to land up in Santorini, Marrakesh and Christchurch where they move in choreographed sequences ever so often? And the song does nothing to move the plot forward or add to the story. We’re done gawping at those travel brochure places.

Say no to the item number

There are plenty of ways for those who want that sort of titillation to get an eyeful of scantily-clad gyrating women. Bollywood though wants us to believe it’s an art form.

Let’s see what they really do for a living

In the good old days it was sufficient to be ‘businessman’. The hero wore a tweed jacket, carried a briefcase and sat in a swivel chair in a panelled office. Bollywood’s come a long way since then and we see characters who are architects and interior designers. But for most part, it never goes beyond carrying one of those tubes in which blueprints come. We’d like to know more about what they do.

Give the cops some credit

If the hero is a cop, then he can bring his jeep to a screeching halt even as he swings open the door and puts out a polished boot to pull out his revolver and mow down the baddies. All other policemen are bungling, pot-bellied creatures who arrive too late on the scene.

Tell us where it’s happening

Have you noticed the number of films that are set in make-believe places. Plush houses and offices, smooth roads, sleek cars and frequent getaways to snow-clad peaks or sand dunes. We’d love to see some stories rooted in the real India.

Be original

Sometimes filmmakers will admit the ‘inspiration’ is from Hollywood. Others will simply copy and hope no one will notice. There can’t be a dearth of stories in a country of one billion people. Why not tell some original ones?