9 Indian flyers you pray are not on your flight

Indians are travelling like never before. Seriously, they’re upping and going on Scandinavian cruises and exploring the Peruvian Amazon and what not besides. But of course, you can’t take the Indianness out of an Indian. Here are the uniquely Indian travellers you’re quite sure to bump into at airports and on flights.

Boy gang from Tambaram bound for Pattaya

You can hear them from several rows away on the Thai Airways flight, cracking jokes in Chennai lingo. Won’t put on their seat belts till instructed four times by crew members. And perhaps even not then. Will ask for repeats of whisky and coke.  Will call the stewardess ‘bun maami’ when she brings the bread rolls around. Won’t sleep for most of the flight, but are snoring in unison by the time the flight touches down in Bangkok.

Parents of techie son returning from summer in Houston

Mami wears sneakers with her saree and pullover. In Frankfurt, waiting for their connecting flight to Bengaluru, the couple opens tiffin boxes and eats puliyogare. Can’t trust airline food to be pure veg, you see.

NRI mom travelling to India with bratty kid

Carries backpack full of snacks, including granola bars. Hands out Purell to kid before he touches food. Argues with the stewardess when she says the games brat demands have been taken by others. Warns brat sternly – also, much too audibly, and several times –

Agent for seat change

Right after you’ve put your hand luggage in the cabin, belted up and picked up your reading, says, ‘Can you please change to H 23, we are a group and one person is sitting there.’ You’d better oblige or you’ll spend the entire flight listening to him shout from the seat next to yours to H 23.

Inquisitive uncle

Can’t stop asking questions. ‘Travelling alone?’ ‘What do you do?’ ‘This Modi, you think he will make a difference?’

First-timer

Wants to take photos and selfies everywhere, from check-in to boarding gate. Would click one with immigration officer if possible.

Honeymoon couple

She has bangles up to elbow and still-vivid mehendi. No kissing and such like firang couples, but still all touchy-feely and tousling each other’s hair while waiting to board.

Kitty party friends returning from destination wedding

Fifty-plus, with highlights in hair and wearing summer frocks. Mostly spend time at the fragrance and cosmetics counter at duty free. “Oh, Vinay gave me this same Dior for my birthday.”

Stands-up-and-starts-opening-cabins-before-plane-has-taxied-to-halt-type

 

That’s almost everyone, you’ll agree!